Okay, I take back everything I said about Santa Ride! and Santa Ride! 2 (but not what I said about Die Hard Trilogy). This time, I swear to God, Garden Gnome Carnage is the best Christmas-themed game I’ve ever played. Well, technically, I hadn’t ever played Garden Gnome Carnage before, so what I said about Santa Ride! was true, from a certain point of view. kentdog engages in hyperbole; it’s a first.
Where to start about this fantastic little game? Let’s see if I can wreck your shit with some math:
Rad pixel graphics + Incredible 8-bit music + explosion / great micro-physics gameplay =
A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!
The story is simple:
“Garden Gnomes don’t like holidays. You, a gnome of the big city, have had enough of those pesky elves climbing down your skyscraper to drop gifts down the chimney. You put remote-controlled wheels on the skyscraper and tie yourself to the chimney with a bungee cord. This holiday, the will elves fly.”
Move your skyscraper back and forth, swinging the Gnome into the Lemming-esque elves that assault your tower with the gift of giving. Grab explosive bricks from your building and fling them into crowds of hapless elves. If things get too hot, call in an airstrike for mass destruction. Score multiple hits for combo bonus. Win bonus from me just by playing this game. Pass it around the office. It’s this years Elf Bowling, I swear.
Santa Ride! 2 is probably the worst Christmas-themed game I’ve ever played, unless maybe you count Die Hard Trilogy, of which 2/3 does happen to take place on Christmas. Did you know that every time John McClane kills someone, an angel gets its wings? That reminds me that I’ll have to talk about Die Hard Trilogy later on. Santa Ride! is essentially a modification of developer Invictus’s Cross Racing Championship off-road racing game for the PC. There’s not much to it. Race Santa’s Sleigh, or “sledge” as it is called here, around a simple track, collecting presents for points and extra time, accompanied by festive music. A surprising amount of physics allow you to drift the Santa’s Sledge directly into the presents for extra bonus. However, for this sequel, they managed to totally dick up the physics to the point of it not being fun any more. Turning is just way too stiff, and that makes me flacid. For extra bonus from me, enjoy Santa Ride! 2 whilst watching the Dirty Harry parody Sledge Hammer!
Santa Ride! is probably the best Christmas-themed game I’ve ever played, unless maybe you count Die Hard Trilogy, of which 2/3 does happen to take place on Christmas. Did you know that every time John McClane kills someone, an angel gets its wings? That reminds me that I’ll have to talk about Die Hard Trilogy later on. Santa Ride! is essentially a modification of developer Invictus’s Cross Racing Championship off-road racing game for the PC. There’s not much to it. Race Santa’s Sleigh, or “sledge” as it is called here, around a simple track, collecting presents for points and extra time, accompanied by festive music. A surprising amount of physics allow you to drift the Santa’s Sledge directly into the presents for extra bonus. For extra bonus from me, enjoy Santa Ride! whilst watching the Dirty Harry parody Sledge Hammer!
